He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
