Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
