I just cut my nipple shaving
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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