the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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