i just sent this text using only my big toe
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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