it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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