i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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