I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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