I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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