pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
