Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
