He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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