I think i peed on brittanys purse
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
