Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
