I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
