Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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