I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
