first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
