look no pants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
