hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
