Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
