i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
