she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
