They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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