i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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