It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
