it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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