508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
