whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
