I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
