Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
