if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Boobs are out for the taking
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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