did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
