im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
