i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
