he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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