If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
