I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
