Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
