Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
