i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
