Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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