He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
