he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
