Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
