so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
