u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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