Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
