I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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