she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The air was thick with penises
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
