Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
